Serious talking

There is a paranoia of mine that I have a really hard time shaking. I have a lot of fear about sexual assault and rape and it affect my daily life. It forces me to change the hours I like to be out on the town. It changes where I park my car and what weapons I have on my body. It forces me to dress and look a certain way in hope of putting out “stay away” vibes. But most of all, it causes flashed of fear that almost paralyze me.

Yes. This is from my perspective. I know that sexual crimes happen to all gender and are committed by all genders. I can only tell my side.

I have wanted to get this out because lately, my city has been having a rise in reported assaults and it scares me. There were gang rapes in back allies on campus, a break-in rape on the East side, the girl abducted from campus and raped, and of course the summer story of the young photographer out on assignment that was chained up, assaulted, raped and killed here in good-old Wisconsin. I don’t know how to handle it. When do you know that you are safe from something you can’t and don’t have control over? Do men realize the fear that they can invoke? Do they think about that? Or are they completely blind to it? I know that my fears can sometime take over but the images that news stories put in my head sicken me. I had my own tango with sexual assault when I was younger and I know the statistic involved. I don’t want to have these frightful things happen to me or my girlfriends and I don’t want to have to fear it like I do. It is horribly scary and maybe only other women or victims understand and see that.

The boys in gaming group – as much as I love them – have a language issue. It has gotten better over time with both asaka and I reminding them but it still comes up and it bothers me. They like to throw around the word “rape” when our characters are about to screwed over or are in serious trouble. This makes me uncomfortable and angry. It is not a proper use of the word but what has become a common use of that word. It doesn’t sit well and they don’t see it. They don’t see how it is a problem nor what feelings it invokes in her and I. With the gaming guys, I think it is a bit of ignorance combined with a general innocence to the world. They don’t get out much or date much and definitely don’t party much. But they are smart, educated men that throw around the word “rape” as common adjective.

I don’t understand.