Hi there. I wandered in via polydad's post. I hope you don't mind the intrusion.
It seems to me that if you're having serious lifestyle repercussions from your fear (of anything, really), it would be wise to address this as a mental health issue. I am NOT saying it's crazy to fear rape; I just think that anything which makes us change our habits and subjugate our own desires (how we dress, where and when we go somewhere) is worth working on. You are not free if you live in fear.
I'd personally suggest a 3-fold plan:
1) Seek therapy. You sound like you have anxiety issues, and that rape / sexual assault is the trigger for these anxieties. (I have depression, anxiety issues, and PTSD. Very different triggers, but I mention it because I don't want to sound judgemental. I'm with you here.)
2) Get educated on how to protect yourself. The best way to not panic and keep your head in any situation is to be educated on what to do. In your case, learn some basic self-defense and ways to diffuse tense situations (rape is sometimes, maybe always, a crime about power and anger, so knowing how to diffuse an angry person might be helpful). If you were assaulted, and you knew the right things to do, and didn't panic, the after effects will be better -- you'll know you handled it right, even if something bad happened, so there will be no self-blame. Also, being confident marks you as a non-victim, and if you do cross paths with a rapist, he may look elsewhere. These are big what-ifs, but there you go.
3) Arm yourself -- and I don't mean firearms unless that's your personal choice. Consider Rapex (http://www.rapestop.net/), the rape-prevention device. It has had a lot of controversy, and some people think it might increase a rape victim's chances of being killed. However, if you are living in this much fear, having this thing (and using it when you feel you need to) may give you the confidence to go where you want to go. Couple that with a good-quality and locally legal pepper spray / mace / whatever combination. Know how to use whatever self-defense device(s) you choose, and keep them handy.
As for language, I can't help you there. I agree that it's a problem, but I also maintain a firm belief that offense is always taken and never given. I have similar issues with the term "Nazi," -- given that I was violently assaulted by Nazis once, the idea that someone is a "remote control Nazi" or a "soup Nazi" or a "feminazi" really bugs me. However, I've worked hard to control my knee-jerk reaction to offensive terms by considering intent and reminding myself that while language is powerful (I'm a professional writer), we don't always have to choose to give in to anyone or anything else's power if we don't want to.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timeasmymeasure
no subject
It seems to me that if you're having serious lifestyle repercussions from your fear (of anything, really), it would be wise to address this as a mental health issue. I am NOT saying it's crazy to fear rape; I just think that anything which makes us change our habits and subjugate our own desires (how we dress, where and when we go somewhere) is worth working on. You are not free if you live in fear.
I'd personally suggest a 3-fold plan:
1) Seek therapy. You sound like you have anxiety issues, and that rape / sexual assault is the trigger for these anxieties. (I have depression, anxiety issues, and PTSD. Very different triggers, but I mention it because I don't want to sound judgemental. I'm with you here.)
2) Get educated on how to protect yourself. The best way to not panic and keep your head in any situation is to be educated on what to do. In your case, learn some basic self-defense and ways to diffuse tense situations (rape is sometimes, maybe always, a crime about power and anger, so knowing how to diffuse an angry person might be helpful). If you were assaulted, and you knew the right things to do, and didn't panic, the after effects will be better -- you'll know you handled it right, even if something bad happened, so there will be no self-blame. Also, being confident marks you as a non-victim, and if you do cross paths with a rapist, he may look elsewhere. These are big what-ifs, but there you go.
3) Arm yourself -- and I don't mean firearms unless that's your personal choice. Consider Rapex (http://www.rapestop.net/), the rape-prevention device. It has had a lot of controversy, and some people think it might increase a rape victim's chances of being killed. However, if you are living in this much fear, having this thing (and using it when you feel you need to) may give you the confidence to go where you want to go. Couple that with a good-quality and locally legal pepper spray / mace / whatever combination. Know how to use whatever self-defense device(s) you choose, and keep them handy.
As for language, I can't help you there. I agree that it's a problem, but I also maintain a firm belief that offense is always taken and never given. I have similar issues with the term "Nazi," -- given that I was violently assaulted by Nazis once, the idea that someone is a "remote control Nazi" or a "soup Nazi" or a "feminazi" really bugs me. However, I've worked hard to control my knee-jerk reaction to offensive terms by considering intent and reminding myself that while language is powerful (I'm a professional writer), we don't always have to choose to give in to anyone or anything else's power if we don't want to.