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There is a paranoia of mine that I have a really hard time shaking. I have a lot of fear about sexual assault and rape and it affect my daily life. It forces me to change the hours I like to be out on the town. It changes where I park my car and what weapons I have on my body. It forces me to dress and look a certain way in hope of putting out “stay away” vibes. But most of all, it causes flashed of fear that almost paralyze me.
Yes. This is from my perspective. I know that sexual crimes happen to all gender and are committed by all genders. I can only tell my side.
I have wanted to get this out because lately, my city has been having a rise in reported assaults and it scares me. There were gang rapes in back allies on campus, a break-in rape on the East side, the girl abducted from campus and raped, and of course the summer story of the young photographer out on assignment that was chained up, assaulted, raped and killed here in good-old Wisconsin. I don’t know how to handle it. When do you know that you are safe from something you can’t and don’t have control over? Do men realize the fear that they can invoke? Do they think about that? Or are they completely blind to it? I know that my fears can sometime take over but the images that news stories put in my head sicken me. I had my own tango with sexual assault when I was younger and I know the statistic involved. I don’t want to have these frightful things happen to me or my girlfriends and I don’t want to have to fear it like I do. It is horribly scary and maybe only other women or victims understand and see that.
The boys in gaming group – as much as I love them – have a language issue. It has gotten better over time with both![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
asaka and I reminding them but it still comes up and it bothers me. They like to throw around the word “rape” when our characters are about to screwed over or are in serious trouble. This makes me uncomfortable and angry. It is not a proper use of the word but what has become a common use of that word. It doesn’t sit well and they don’t see it. They don’t see how it is a problem nor what feelings it invokes in her and I. With the gaming guys, I think it is a bit of ignorance combined with a general innocence to the world. They don’t get out much or date much and definitely don’t party much. But they are smart, educated men that throw around the word “rape” as common adjective.
I don’t understand.
Yes. This is from my perspective. I know that sexual crimes happen to all gender and are committed by all genders. I can only tell my side.
I have wanted to get this out because lately, my city has been having a rise in reported assaults and it scares me. There were gang rapes in back allies on campus, a break-in rape on the East side, the girl abducted from campus and raped, and of course the summer story of the young photographer out on assignment that was chained up, assaulted, raped and killed here in good-old Wisconsin. I don’t know how to handle it. When do you know that you are safe from something you can’t and don’t have control over? Do men realize the fear that they can invoke? Do they think about that? Or are they completely blind to it? I know that my fears can sometime take over but the images that news stories put in my head sicken me. I had my own tango with sexual assault when I was younger and I know the statistic involved. I don’t want to have these frightful things happen to me or my girlfriends and I don’t want to have to fear it like I do. It is horribly scary and maybe only other women or victims understand and see that.
The boys in gaming group – as much as I love them – have a language issue. It has gotten better over time with both
asaka and I reminding them but it still comes up and it bothers me. They like to throw around the word “rape” when our characters are about to screwed over or are in serious trouble. This makes me uncomfortable and angry. It is not a proper use of the word but what has become a common use of that word. It doesn’t sit well and they don’t see it. They don’t see how it is a problem nor what feelings it invokes in her and I. With the gaming guys, I think it is a bit of ignorance combined with a general innocence to the world. They don’t get out much or date much and definitely don’t party much. But they are smart, educated men that throw around the word “rape” as common adjective. I don’t understand.
no subject
It seems to me that if you're having serious lifestyle repercussions from your fear (of anything, really), it would be wise to address this as a mental health issue. I am NOT saying it's crazy to fear rape; I just think that anything which makes us change our habits and subjugate our own desires (how we dress, where and when we go somewhere) is worth working on. You are not free if you live in fear.
I'd personally suggest a 3-fold plan:
1) Seek therapy. You sound like you have anxiety issues, and that rape / sexual assault is the trigger for these anxieties. (I have depression, anxiety issues, and PTSD. Very different triggers, but I mention it because I don't want to sound judgemental. I'm with you here.)
2) Get educated on how to protect yourself. The best way to not panic and keep your head in any situation is to be educated on what to do. In your case, learn some basic self-defense and ways to diffuse tense situations (rape is sometimes, maybe always, a crime about power and anger, so knowing how to diffuse an angry person might be helpful). If you were assaulted, and you knew the right things to do, and didn't panic, the after effects will be better -- you'll know you handled it right, even if something bad happened, so there will be no self-blame. Also, being confident marks you as a non-victim, and if you do cross paths with a rapist, he may look elsewhere. These are big what-ifs, but there you go.
3) Arm yourself -- and I don't mean firearms unless that's your personal choice. Consider Rapex (http://www.rapestop.net/), the rape-prevention device. It has had a lot of controversy, and some people think it might increase a rape victim's chances of being killed. However, if you are living in this much fear, having this thing (and using it when you feel you need to) may give you the confidence to go where you want to go. Couple that with a good-quality and locally legal pepper spray / mace / whatever combination. Know how to use whatever self-defense device(s) you choose, and keep them handy.
As for language, I can't help you there. I agree that it's a problem, but I also maintain a firm belief that offense is always taken and never given. I have similar issues with the term "Nazi," -- given that I was violently assaulted by Nazis once, the idea that someone is a "remote control Nazi" or a "soup Nazi" or a "feminazi" really bugs me. However, I've worked hard to control my knee-jerk reaction to offensive terms by considering intent and reminding myself that while language is powerful (I'm a professional writer), we don't always have to choose to give in to anyone or anything else's power if we don't want to.