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I am guessing that no one else finds this funny but I do
You Know Your a Cancer Kid's Mom when.....
1. You can sleep anywhere, and anything that reclines more than 15 degrees looks "comfy"
2. You don't realize the sharps container is on the kitchen table until half way through dinner
3. The nurses stop responding to the IV alarm, knowing you'll fix it anyway
4. Your 2-year-old knows where all of the medical equipment goes, and how to use it
5. You keep a bag packed at all times like your 9 1/2 months pregnant
6. Your child's bedroom looks like a Toys R Us® store
7. You have a syringe in your purse and you're not a diabetic
8. You have more meds in your cupboard than food
9. You can read your son's chart better than his nurse
10. You start teaching your daughter the parts of her body, and you point to her chest, and she says that's her port
11. Your child is more familiar with CT scan & bone scan pictures than the portrait studio!!!
12. You hear yourself say the words, "I'll buy you anything you want" at least twice a month
13. You can reset the IV machines overnight, in your sleep, every 30 minutes without waking up once and still call it a good nights sleep!!!
14. When your kid asks for a Happy Meal® you don't say, "Wait until we get home to eat." Rather, "Really?" (unless of course your kid is on prednisone, when you say, "A Happy Meal or a Super-Sized Value Meal?")
15. When your child is estatic because all she's getting is counts from her arm and a shot in her leg (Now that's a good day on the chemo ward!)
16. When it's time for your 2 year to have her vital signs taken and she lifts her arm and sticks out her leg, without crying or fighting you
17. When you think that anything that your child will eat and keep down is a "nutritious meal", even if it is chocolate cookies and candy
18. You have a bottle of Purel® in every handbag and use it after riding on the escalator.
19. When asked which kid on the playground is yours, you reply "the bald one."
20. Your child is so used to staying in the hospital that she sleeps all night there and wakes up in her own bed at home because she doesn't feel comfortable.
21. Your two year old can correct a nurse when they forget to change the caps of thier tubes.
22. You have the Pediatric Hospital ER and the Hematology/Oncology Clinic's phone number's programed as a speed dial numbers in your cell phone.
23. Your child wants a Band-aid® first thing because that means he can go home
24. Your 4-year-old tells her friends, "My brother is special, he's neutropenic!"
25. Your child's a teddy bear and stuffed cat have their hair cut off and they're sporting a broviac and IV
26. When you've cried so much in front of your five year old cancer kid that, without any change of expression, he calmy asks you "are you crying now because you're mad, because you're sad or because you're happy?"
27. You can drive down the interstate with one hand and hold the puke bucket for your child in the backseat...and still never have to pull over.
28. Your other kids fall and scrape their knees and a Band-Aid® is not enough anymore...they want EMLA® and a Tegaderm®, too!
29. When your two year old goes up to strangers in the mall, lifts his shirt saying "Look, no tubies," and you softly chuckle and explain while the poor victims are horrified at the warwounds present on the belly they see.
30. You don't feel comfortable leaving the house until you make sure that your backpack has a fresh supply of heprin flushes, medical tape, bandages and day's supply of pills.
31. The doorbell rings and your 2 year old runs to open it yelling "my medicines here" with a big smile on his face!
32. You're the only mom in the grocery store reading the labels so you are sure to buy kiddie food with the MOST calories in it.
33. You're so busy with all the appointments for your cancer kid that your other kids haven't been to the doctor for a checkup in three years.
34. Your child can tell you her temperature within .3 of a degree without a thermometer.
35. When the receptionist at the ER says, "It's been awhile since you've been here!"
36. With a 5 cc syringe in his hand, your child wants to play vet and chases the family cat under the table saying, "here kitty, you need a spinal tap now."
37. When you can draw up 10 different meds without checking a list at 6am while making the kids breakfast, feeding the cat and juggling a nauseous baby on your shoulder
38. When you can tell the Intensivist exactly how much pentobarbital it takes to knock out your unsedatable 3 year old and exactly how and when to give it so she won't wake up during the MRI.
39. When your advice to your teenager is to, "Just say NO to drugs" because he's had plenty of the best while on chemo when he was eleven!
40. You spend three extra days in the hospital, and endure extra blood cultures and chest X-rays, for "a fever of unknown origin" that turns out to be due to CUTTING A TOOTH, like every other one-year old is doing.
41. Yur Oncologist is helping you encourage your 12 month old to begin eating for the first time ever and suggests food like "sorbet, maybe chocolate, or anything with a lot of salt."
42. When you buy frozen dinners—all the same flavor—by the case because that is all your child will eat.
43. When nothing else is handy, you cup your hands to catch your child's puke--without a second thought.
44. Your day revolves around heperin shots.
45. You arrive and the kid is pleading with his dad, "No, don't buy anymore icecream. I want cantaloupe."
46. Extra lab specimen containers are in the cupboard right next to the sippy cups.
47. You sit around drinking grape Pedialyte because you do not have the heart to eat the frozen pizza in front of a kid with nausea.
You Know Your a Cancer Kid's Mom when.....
1. You can sleep anywhere, and anything that reclines more than 15 degrees looks "comfy"
2. You don't realize the sharps container is on the kitchen table until half way through dinner
3. The nurses stop responding to the IV alarm, knowing you'll fix it anyway
4. Your 2-year-old knows where all of the medical equipment goes, and how to use it
5. You keep a bag packed at all times like your 9 1/2 months pregnant
6. Your child's bedroom looks like a Toys R Us® store
7. You have a syringe in your purse and you're not a diabetic
8. You have more meds in your cupboard than food
9. You can read your son's chart better than his nurse
10. You start teaching your daughter the parts of her body, and you point to her chest, and she says that's her port
11. Your child is more familiar with CT scan & bone scan pictures than the portrait studio!!!
12. You hear yourself say the words, "I'll buy you anything you want" at least twice a month
13. You can reset the IV machines overnight, in your sleep, every 30 minutes without waking up once and still call it a good nights sleep!!!
14. When your kid asks for a Happy Meal® you don't say, "Wait until we get home to eat." Rather, "Really?" (unless of course your kid is on prednisone, when you say, "A Happy Meal or a Super-Sized Value Meal?")
15. When your child is estatic because all she's getting is counts from her arm and a shot in her leg (Now that's a good day on the chemo ward!)
16. When it's time for your 2 year to have her vital signs taken and she lifts her arm and sticks out her leg, without crying or fighting you
17. When you think that anything that your child will eat and keep down is a "nutritious meal", even if it is chocolate cookies and candy
18. You have a bottle of Purel® in every handbag and use it after riding on the escalator.
19. When asked which kid on the playground is yours, you reply "the bald one."
20. Your child is so used to staying in the hospital that she sleeps all night there and wakes up in her own bed at home because she doesn't feel comfortable.
21. Your two year old can correct a nurse when they forget to change the caps of thier tubes.
22. You have the Pediatric Hospital ER and the Hematology/Oncology Clinic's phone number's programed as a speed dial numbers in your cell phone.
23. Your child wants a Band-aid® first thing because that means he can go home
24. Your 4-year-old tells her friends, "My brother is special, he's neutropenic!"
25. Your child's a teddy bear and stuffed cat have their hair cut off and they're sporting a broviac and IV
26. When you've cried so much in front of your five year old cancer kid that, without any change of expression, he calmy asks you "are you crying now because you're mad, because you're sad or because you're happy?"
27. You can drive down the interstate with one hand and hold the puke bucket for your child in the backseat...and still never have to pull over.
28. Your other kids fall and scrape their knees and a Band-Aid® is not enough anymore...they want EMLA® and a Tegaderm®, too!
29. When your two year old goes up to strangers in the mall, lifts his shirt saying "Look, no tubies," and you softly chuckle and explain while the poor victims are horrified at the warwounds present on the belly they see.
30. You don't feel comfortable leaving the house until you make sure that your backpack has a fresh supply of heprin flushes, medical tape, bandages and day's supply of pills.
31. The doorbell rings and your 2 year old runs to open it yelling "my medicines here" with a big smile on his face!
32. You're the only mom in the grocery store reading the labels so you are sure to buy kiddie food with the MOST calories in it.
33. You're so busy with all the appointments for your cancer kid that your other kids haven't been to the doctor for a checkup in three years.
34. Your child can tell you her temperature within .3 of a degree without a thermometer.
35. When the receptionist at the ER says, "It's been awhile since you've been here!"
36. With a 5 cc syringe in his hand, your child wants to play vet and chases the family cat under the table saying, "here kitty, you need a spinal tap now."
37. When you can draw up 10 different meds without checking a list at 6am while making the kids breakfast, feeding the cat and juggling a nauseous baby on your shoulder
38. When you can tell the Intensivist exactly how much pentobarbital it takes to knock out your unsedatable 3 year old and exactly how and when to give it so she won't wake up during the MRI.
39. When your advice to your teenager is to, "Just say NO to drugs" because he's had plenty of the best while on chemo when he was eleven!
40. You spend three extra days in the hospital, and endure extra blood cultures and chest X-rays, for "a fever of unknown origin" that turns out to be due to CUTTING A TOOTH, like every other one-year old is doing.
41. Yur Oncologist is helping you encourage your 12 month old to begin eating for the first time ever and suggests food like "sorbet, maybe chocolate, or anything with a lot of salt."
42. When you buy frozen dinners—all the same flavor—by the case because that is all your child will eat.
43. When nothing else is handy, you cup your hands to catch your child's puke--without a second thought.
44. Your day revolves around heperin shots.
45. You arrive and the kid is pleading with his dad, "No, don't buy anymore icecream. I want cantaloupe."
46. Extra lab specimen containers are in the cupboard right next to the sippy cups.
47. You sit around drinking grape Pedialyte because you do not have the heart to eat the frozen pizza in front of a kid with nausea.
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Oh, and the learning to pack in calories came in really handy several years later with my daughter as she almost never ate- I knew JUST what to offer to ensure that the three bites were enough to keep going for a day or so.
Oh, and I found your journal through altparent- had to come check it out. Not trying to stalk... much. :D