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I like this meme and it feels like a good day to use it again. I am currently sewing and cleaning (till work at 2pm)... so talk to me. :)
Anonymous post....
I've always been a keeper of secrets, a falling apart pirate chest filled with old memories and faces and kisses disguised as golden coins. I've seen this done, and I think I want to try it.
Please, just post anonymously (that's the only condition).
Tell me anything. A secret. Something you might have wanted to say to me. Something you might have wanted to say to someone else. A sin. A Triumph. A crush. A lust. Something. Anything. Everything. Tell me something. Give me something to ponder, exclaim over, become inspired by or even maybe cry to when I come home after the sun is beyond my sky. Share with me, and I promise, I'll share with you.
[EDIT: IP logging is off]
Anonymous post....
I've always been a keeper of secrets, a falling apart pirate chest filled with old memories and faces and kisses disguised as golden coins. I've seen this done, and I think I want to try it.
Please, just post anonymously (that's the only condition).
Tell me anything. A secret. Something you might have wanted to say to me. Something you might have wanted to say to someone else. A sin. A Triumph. A crush. A lust. Something. Anything. Everything. Tell me something. Give me something to ponder, exclaim over, become inspired by or even maybe cry to when I come home after the sun is beyond my sky. Share with me, and I promise, I'll share with you.
[EDIT: IP logging is off]
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She's over 18, but looks and acts like she's in 9th grade, and you want to fuck her. This makes you feel like a pervert.
You have a postion of respect, she looks up to you, and you find yourself tying to use that so you can fuck her. This makes you feel like a bastard.
And you know that you're too good a man to do something so bad.
Don't steal her pure innocence unless you can replace it with true love. Otherwise, you will be forced to face her tears, your conscience, and my wrath.
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I fear that I will never find a partner for this life. I have dated way more people then most people do. I have had my "fun" and have grown weary of it.
I fear that I will never find someone to share with. Some one who can match the intensity that I put in to relationships. What take others days to process, I process in hours. When it come to love I can't shut my mind down about it. It is always there and always processing. Yes I over think things. Yes, I don't consider everything I should most times because I do it so fast. But those are my quirks and I have learned to live with them and even admire them in a way.
The world is filled with physically beautiful people. That no longer moves me. I definitely want some I find beautiful but it isn't enough to even really stir my interests any more. There needs to be something else. Something more. A shared interest. An attitude. A way of moving, of holding ones self, or dressing to even make me curious. I see beautiful people all the time that I am not even remotely drawn to. I have given up on trying with beautiful people. There are just to many of you and with you I have failed to many times. I need more now. There needs to be more to make it worth trying to over come the baggage that I carry.
I am tried of being hurt. I am tired of letting my feelings just happen only to find that the other person is not even remotely where I am, that I have become much more attached to them, then they to me. I am tired of hoping. I am tired... So very tired... Tired of love, and yet I can't give in. I can't stop trying. I see a beautiful person who appearance and manner suggests they might be the kind of person that I could make a connection with and I start hoping again.
Of course I also realize that I have stopped trying in some ways. That I don't go out as much as I used to. I don't find my way to the public places where people meet. They never really worked for me any way. I have tried online dating and that has left me sour. I just want something different from what the rest of the world wants I guess.
You know how people say do what you love and you will find some to love while doing it. What if what I really want is to do simple things. Things that don't get me out really meeting people. That keep me at home or in public places where interaction between unacquainted people is not the norm. So how is that going to help me meet people that share these interests?
Those who can't teach. *sigh* Many times past lovers have told me that they have learned a lot from me about how to love openly and fully. But it is never me that they want that with. Most of the time I agree that they and I are not a good fit. So we part romantic ways. The way it should be... The way it needs to be...
So as the days of my life pass with ever increasing speed. As age begins to take it's toll on my body. As I grow more and more gun shy of even trying. I am scared and sad. Because more then anything else, my one thing in life, that I want above all else, is to share it with someone I have a deep connection with. A friend, a lover and a partner all in one.
Not a bad pursuit for a life. But a pursuit that I believe only really begins once you have found it. And I, I am failing at it.
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Beauty
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That *connection* is what I crave more than anything. But it eludes me.
I'm so scared to meet people.
And I can't let go of my last connection.
And now I'll fantasize that you and I will meet.
Hopeless.
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I never was scared. I met people all the time. I found all sorts of people intriguing. Now I am just falling in to a place where I don't care to really try anymore. Where my room and distractions are rapidly becoming more of a draw then the outside world. Safer.
And about you and I meeting... the thing that gets me is that we may already have. I know too many people for it not to be a possibility.
In someways i envy your hopelessness. Hope is my curse. There are few things in this world that can gnaw at you as hard as unfulfilled hope.
But alas, you will probably never see these words that I have left here for you. I imagine, I am the only one who still checks this post.
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Maybe you'll never know...
CR Walls Come Down: track 7
or
HCJ Only You: track 5
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Collin Raye - The Walls Came Down - All My Roads and...
Harry Connick Jr. - Only You - You Don't Know Me
Maybe... Maybe I could be all you want... But I am still scared to try... I have spent half my life looking for this person for my life. I fear the chances of connecting randomly... Anonymously... In a LJ seems unlikely. But yet I return to this post looking for responses. Looking to see what bits of themselves other people have left. Intrigued, hopefully and terrified.
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Maybe it was the pause in looking that lead you here to me and this.
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derelictsoul (at) mac.com
No... It is not my realy email address. I am still hiding... Hiding behind a forwarding address. But now... I am just mostly hiding from email address harvesters...
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I got your email and replied.
Maybe I said something you found distasteful...
Maybe You didn't even receive my reply...
Maybe... Well I don't feel I should speculate further. But if you are wondering why I haven't emailed you... I have... And something has gone awry with the correspondence. If you have my reply and have chosen not to reply to me, I understand and you can disregard this inquiry.
I guess I just want to you to know... I was there to try...
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I understand your fear. I have been afraid to try for a long time also. Suddenly, I find that I am more afraid not to. Can two people connect randomly, anonymously? Perhaps there is just as good a chance of that as two people connecting who've known each other for a long time. Maybe, because we can say things anonymously that are hard to say in person, it's easier to connect this way. Are you still there? Does someone else have your heart? I had given up you, should I continue down that road?
story
I wonder where you're at - if you've connected - troubled soul/original author and cautious optimist who sees the world in terms of song lyrics (good choices by the way). If I had to guess, I think I could tell you the ending of this story. I think you do know each other. My guess is you've long ago admitted this to each other. I presume the original author freaked out and pushed the optimist away - far enough away that you're not even friends anymore. Don't you understand, optimist? Some people spend so much time fostering their unhappiness that, even when something good comes into their life, they can't help but choose to be unhappy. It's all they know. Since only they can change that behavior, your love is better invested elsewhere (though I'd guess that "saving lost souls" is kind of your thing.
Guess I'll never know but regardless, it was fun to speculate.
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you know, I don't miss the crying, and the severe ups and downs. I fell for him, it mellowed, and now my love for him is this deep current that runs through my life, and I never want to have to give him up.
stick with it, it's worth it.
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dirty secret
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I'm so lost and most of the time can't relate to people - not because of them, but because of me. I'm so hungry for interaction, I can't get enough. I've gotten better at hiding my desperation, but no one is as good as that as they think. I know, I lived with a man who was desperate.
My kids would be fucked up beyond belief if I *did* kill myself, but I suspect they'll be pretty fucked up anyhow.
I worry I'll always feel like this. That I'll live for another 60 years as a half-person, unhappy and desperate.
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How hard could it be to tell someone that?
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And apparently there are a few of us who still check in here.
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The heartache of not telling has to be worse than the outcome could ever be.
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Before those words escape you... Before you open yourself up and they react... you can have hope. Afterwords hope is shattered. Sometimes because it is replaced by something greater and more wonderful. But the rest of the times it is just shard of broken hope.